| Eli Letter January 2008 |
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January 5, 2008 Dear Friends,  Recently several people have asked how I dealt with hearing that I had cancer. It was then that I realized that since these reports only began after two months of treatment, they have not yet addressed my personal response to disease and death.After extensive testing, I found out how pervasive the cancer was. One of the doctors later described my condition as a ten-alarm fire. At one point when I could no longer dress myself, I remember my pillow had fallen behind the headboard onto the floor and I didn't have the strength to pull it back up onto the bed. As I lay in bed I was not interested in distractions. No books, reading, TV or movies. I was preparing for my death. I examined any unfinished business that I may have had. I finished it. I was complete. I had no desire to live or to die. In the past, I always met death with a desire to live. A willingness to die but a desire to live. That desire was gone. I am fulfilled. I don't need another anything. I am complete as I am. I realized more fully that I had no idea what would serve best, my living or dying. I then wrote this: I am the fire of love I hear myself in silence I am the fire of love I smell myself in stone I am the fire of love I taste myself in everything I am the fire of love Endlessly alone I am the fire of love Roasting and laughing in bliss and pain I am the fire of love Consuming myself in an endless flame.  I started another round of chemo on December 12. My body is healthier than it has been in a great while. It is clear that this body is not dying immediately. I feel that I have at least a few more good years to go. The cancer is not in remission, but the numbers are down.As long as there is breath, this body is in service of satsang and my master's transmission of silence. In this spirit, after a year of not teaching, I am again available to meet with any who are interested. There were two beautiful meetings in Ashland in November, and I look forward to many more. I will do my best to go where I am invited. Gangaji has graciously invited me to co-lead a retreat with her in January called Facing Everything. Many people have let me know how much they benefited from the three-year group, so I would like to lead a Three-Year Retreat program in 2008. We will begin with an open to all, no commitment, ten-day retreat in August held on the campus of Southern Oregon University in Ashland. Out of that we will see what grows. As always, the content and structure will be shaped by those who show up. Gangaji will occasionally be present. I am open for anything and am always amazed at the perfection of these sacred encounters. I am starting over with Julia as my assistant, so please don't expect the level of staff and support that we had in the past. The first three-year group started in 1996 with a small number of earnest seekers, and out of it the Leela Foundation was born and staffed. We will see what is to come. For now we will reestablish the Leela Foundation as a separate non-profit organization. Please contact Julia if you are interested. Her email address is julia@newmorningassociates.com. Please let her know if you are interested in the Three-Year commitment or just the ten days in August. I am deeply grateful for all the loving support that has poured in and sustained this life, for the saving grace of Gangaji, for the lives of my precious teachers, and the holy perfection of meeting you. At my Masters' feet and in my Beloved's arms, Eli |